For the past week I have been having parenting doubts. Thoughts run through my mind asking “Am I a good enough Mom?”, “Am I doing the right thing?”. I know it sounds crazy but I hope this a common stream of consciousness for many parents out there.
I think the past week of parenting self-doubt has been fueled by Ryder’s ear infection, fever, teething pains… oh, and the visit to the Emergency Room last night. He and I were playing in his play area, just goofing around, having a “kissing attack”. For those not familiar with the kissing attack game it involves me giving him kisses all over and screaming “kiss attack”. He finds it hilarious. So, we were playing kissing attack and he bonked his head on the metal heating board. He let out a huge cry and immediately a large bump formed on his head.
I was hesitant to jump into the car and take him to the ER, but Jeff was certain that a head injury warranted a drive to the hospital.
I am really glad that we did end up going. Ryder was fine and although we waited for quite awhile to see someone, we were assured that he would be fine and that coming to the hospital was the right move.
After putting Ryder to bed I broke down to Jeff. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt. I wasn’t the one who thought going to the ER was needed. I was the one who was goofing around with our son when he hit his head. The feelings of guilt and sleepless nights built up and I needed that reassurance that, 1. everything was going to be fine and that 2. I was a good mom.
This morning I came downstairs to make coffee and oatmeal, and I was greeted by these notes scattered throughout the kitchen and in the refrigerator :
Finding these notes was just what I needed this morning… a note of reassurance, of support, and love.