Parenting self-doubt

For the past week I have been having parenting doubts. Thoughts run through my mind asking “Am I a good enough Mom?”, “Am I doing the right thing?”. I know it sounds crazy but I hope this a common stream of consciousness for many parents out there.

I think the past week of parenting self-doubt has been fueled by Ryder’s ear infection, fever, teething pains… oh, and the visit to the Emergency Room last night. He and I were playing in his play area, just goofing around, having a “kissing attack”. For those not familiar with the kissing attack game it involves me giving him kisses all over and screaming “kiss attack”. He finds it hilarious. So, we were playing kissing attack and he bonked his head on the metal heating board. He let out a huge cry and immediately a large bump formed on his head.

I was hesitant to jump into the car and take him to the ER, but Jeff was certain that a head injury warranted a drive to the hospital.

I am really glad that we did end up going. Ryder was fine and although we waited for quite awhile to see someone, we were assured that he would be fine and that coming to the hospital was the right move.

After putting Ryder to bed I broke down to Jeff. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt. I wasn’t the one who thought going to the ER was needed. I was the one who was goofing around with our son when he hit his head. The feelings of guilt and sleepless nights built up and I needed that reassurance that, 1. everything was going to be fine and that 2. I was a good mom.

This morning I came downstairs to make coffee and oatmeal, and I was greeted by these notes scattered throughout the kitchen and in the refrigerator :

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Finding these notes was just what I needed this morning… a note of reassurance, of support, and love.

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4 thoughts on “Parenting self-doubt

  1. Goose bumps and smiles.
    You were just having fun with Ryder and playing with him is a good thing. I enjoy joking around at home as well and sometimes things happen when you don’t expect it but you can’t do anything about it.

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  2. Last week I accidentally kicked Jordan in the head when we were having a tickle attack… You;ll be happy he seems fine and the only thing that has sustained long term injury is my guilt :) Love the notes this morning, Jeff is almost as good of a partner as you are a mom :) xo

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  3. You were showering him with love and kisses! Little boys will encounter lots of bumps and bruises in their time. No need to be so hard on yourself, Ryder is the luckiest boy in the world to have 2 parents who dedicate their time and attention to have fun with him! You’re his best friends. :) Jeff’s notes are the absolute truth and Ryder loves you through and through. xoxo

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  4. I’m always telling my husband “he’s fine don’t worry” but then I think “is he really fine? Maybe I’ll just check his neurovitals for the next few hours without telling Ricardo” and now I worry when I’m not around Ricardo has this false sense of what’s a real emergency since I’m always counteracting his instinct. Good god why is this so hard!

    Good call on going to the hospital I just had a little one admitted with a epidural hematoma from falling over onto a toy from a seated position, head injuries are tricky you just never know.

    Also having written the above it should be said little S fell off the playground the over day (about 5ft) he was fine and I went back to picking blackberries 5 minutes later after a little cuddle……sooo it’s not very black and white – grey, the whole freakin’ world of parenting is grey!

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