Last Thursday I went to the doctor for my standard check up. I went there feeling incredibly ill, cramps, tired, sore… all wonderful pre labour signs. The doctor was pretty sure that I would be in labour that night or perhaps that weekend. It’s now one week later and I am still here, sans baby.
Knowing that things were possibly imminent was a mixed blessing. I was excited, tremendously excited, about the possibility of meeting Peanut for the first time. I was ready. After 24 hours, I grew anxious. I started to wonder if this was going to happen, why were the feelings of cramps and pre labour systems subsiding? I was walking, eating, resting, going to yoga- doing all the “required activity” of someone in pre labour looking to get into the next phase of delivery. I grew more and more frustrated and as a result felt like I had to go into hiding.
I can’t stand unnecessary drama and that is what it felt like. Last Thursday the doctor told me to stop work, so I did. However, it felt manic and rushed. I had to tell my work colleagues over email, send rush notices to Payroll and HR, and make sure that the last touches on some projects were taken care of for my replacement. This anxious rush resulted in what felt like unnecessary drama, and by Monday I was a wreck. Wondering, “What will people at work think? Will they think I left early because I was flaking out?”
Fortunately, one week later, I now realize that my body was craving rest. Despite cramps and soreness, I have slept incredibly well. As Jeff said to me on the weekend, “it’s like your body is thanking you for taking off work early”. So true. I nap, rest, read, go for walks, go to yoga, nap some more, and don’t panic if I don’t sleep through the night. I needed this downtime, this period of relaxation and rest. And who knows, maybe Peanut needed it too? The chance to just hang out with me, one-to-one, and to rest a bit before the big day.
For now, we are going to let nature take its course and hopefully stay out of that anxious-are-we-there-yet (!) mindset.